Yes, I am living my dream of travelling the world in an affordable manner. But what’s the cost? This is going to be a hard post for me, it will reveal difficulties in my life that very few people are aware of.
Well financially, its affordable. It is costing more per month than I budgeted for but even with no further income, I can survive at least another year. I have a couple of small sources of income so in reality I can survive another 2-3 years before i have to go back to employment. I am working on a software app which, if successful, would provide regular long term income.
But what about emotionally? That’s a different story. The cost is contact with friends and family, you cannot put a price on that. Loneliness and isolation have, and continue to be a major factor in my life.
I have tried to do something about it and will go through some of what I’ve done and how it turned out. But, in summary, I have yet to meet that one person who is happy with themselves, knows what they want, and are brave enough to take necessary risks to get it.
Online messaging friends and family
I try to do this regularly but I have noticed this usually ends up a one way street. By this i mean I usually initiate contact and it eventually tails off until I spark it off again. It’s still worthwhile though, they have busy lives and time restricted. I have too much time on my hands.
Facebook Groups
I have had good new contacts this way, one turned into a very short term relationship. But mostly these are people who have their own plans and looking for somebody to join them or to discuss sailing issues. I did made contact with a lady who joined me as crew for nearly two months via one of these groups. But mostly these contacts are dreamers, curious about this lifestyle but not brave enough to do it for themselves or are recovering from a life changing event such as bereavement or divorce and are in the process of self discovery.
Meeting locals
I have had least success here, I meet other sailors at the marina and have made new friends that way. I have also met locals through Facebook groups. But they tend to be short duration contacts.
Dating sites
I have been registered on various dating apps such as Facebook dating, match.com, tinder and bumble. It’s a jungle.
Several times I have found what initially appears to be a good prospect, but what starts out well, has consistently hit a roadblock. Some of the dead ends I have followed are.. ladies who don’t know what they want and are disappointed in not finding it 🤔😳, a rich lady who wanted a companion to fit in her life, ladies who just want attention and are not serious about meeting, ladies who are actually men, ladies who have artificial intelligence, ladies who are scammers, I won’t give more detail but you get the idea. I am sure there are some lovely, perfect for me, ladies out there, but after 7 months, I am starting to doubt it.
What has prompted this post is my latest failure. I met a lady who is nearly perfect for me. But, through a combination of factors, it’s not going any further. I am hugely disappointed and having to seriously consider whether the cost (loneliness) is worth it. I will continue to travel this summer but I need to rethink my future plans. I have discovered how much I need human contact, how much I need to have somebody with me. Yes this is post is full of self pity, but it’s also honest.
So if there is anyone out there who thinks this lifestyle is for them, who can live in a confined space with a guy who although tries very hard to be the best person he can, will occasionally fail. Please contact me. Or, if this lifestyle is not for you, but have an hour or two to spare, or fancy a cheap holiday in the sun, send me a message to say hello. Sometimes that’s all I need.
I look forward to your posts. Your simply amazing unique individual. Don’t look for your perfect match made in heaven….Let your soul mate connect to you, they are often closer than you think, in mind, in thought and in spirit. Your on a discovery of yourself. The highs the lows….. Ebbs and flows of life….Be true to oneself and everything will find you at the right time and place.
HA
Xx
OMG don’t you dare go down!!! We are all so proud of you trying to turn your life around and I completely understand the loneliness you have always been surrounded with good friends but made bad choices sometimes and ended up in undeserved situations where people have taken from you and given nothing. I know of no one as generous spirited patient and kind as you are and always have been. Sadly this world is full of takers emotionally and financially and trying to sort the wheat from the chaff inevitably ends in heartache for someone 😪. Don’t lose heart tomorrow is another day and who knows what the future holds. Sometimes when you try too hard nothing comes of it and another time when you least expect it you turn a corner and Bam everything changes. Ian is in the same boat, as lost as you are he has been in Spain a week and is fed up being on his own too. His despair is so hard to see and I feel so helpless for both of you neither of you deserve it!! I wish I could have Aladdin’s lamp and fix everything for you both that you could both be really really happy again. 💕💕💕 . Reading between the lines guess the America trip has fizzled out? Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet come home and start again. Not easy in today’s climate I know but I will help you all I can while I can. Don’t be sad your family really love you but when we are so far apart it is difficult to communicate we lose the things we have in common and when one of us is sad it seems so unfair to say sorry but I am OK and easy to say things will get bett when you are not sure if they will and you don’t know how to help. I am always on WhatsApp and FaceTime if you want to talk and see me . As long as you promise not to laugh!! My face is swollen up like a balloon I look like the Michelin man! Bloody steroids . They can’t get my diabetes under control sugar levels all over the place and constant waterworks infections. But. Hey ho , made my birthday cake today and that’s turned out ok only have to brush it with Brandy over the next 4 weeks and the ice it ready for my party on 2nd July. Weather good here at moment but haven’t been out for four days too much pain in bladder and back to be able to walk comfortably at the moment. Look forward to your next trip send me lots of photos so I can share the experiences with you and never never lose heart. Love always Mum 😘😘💕
Thank you mum 😘
Sometimes it’s easy to lose perspective so you need to see what others are going through to realise how lucky you are. Keep fighting 🤗
Not self-pity, honesty with changing circumstances
It’s the ebb and flow of life John. Sometimes the flow, like the tides, washes in good things, and sometimes they just ebb away for no reason at all, or certainly not one we can see. Personally I admire what you have done and you are certainly more brave than I could ever be!! Don’t give up! See what the next tide brings and who knows that elusive mermaid may not be as far away as you think!! Online dating, well, it’s a farce!! I’ve met every kinda wierdo there is and, like you, have given up on it all. I truly believe that if you find ‘your happy’ your inner happiness without needing a soul mate, (or a wierdo!) then I suspect the universe will pick up on that and send someone incredible with the flotsom of life when you least expect it! Meantime, just work on yourself, what makes YOU happy, what YOU love, and love will find you!!
Stick to your course John, you’ll find true North one day !!
I’m off now, need to find alcohol as I’ve scared myself getting so deep about life and love !! LOL!!!!! XXX
Lovely post old boss man.
Nothing wrong with some self reflection and telling people where you are at in life.
It sounds to me like you are doing a fab job. I can imagine the loneliness and you will meet someone. Don’t lose hope.
I met Paul on an over 50 site.But my goodness there were some odd balls haha. One just wanted jiggery stuff and was married. One wanted erotica. Your probably think we’ll ye that’s fine .
It was hard to find a genuine person. Please don’t look for a young model be realistic,I found that in the men.
I needed to look for an 75 year old to qualify.
Anyway Mr keep going you went for it and are having an adventure. I’m still where I was when you left, so keep going.
Firstly you know I’m always here if you need to talk to/vent/offload/chat. Also its good that your acknowledging and award of how you feel and what is making you feel that way and even better that you can say it outload and be open about it.
Secondly you admit yourself you are rubbish at online conversations/responding to messages ect and find it awkward to talk via the phone ect rather than in person. And it generally is a lot harder to have a natural flowing conversation with messages which can make it difficult to keep a dialogue going and everyone is replying piece meal and normally in my case was in the middle of something else like chasing children to bed or juggling work or chores. When does parenting get easier by the way? Please say soon and lalalala I am in denial about the trials and tribulations of the incoming teenage years!!!
So we need to find a way to have a regular/annual phone calls or conversations or even leave what’s app voicemails that are more personal to keep in touch better. But also maybe you might want to look at the way you (and I need to do the same) communicate online in terms of finding better ways to make it more like a natural conversations. Ask more questions and be interested/curious about other peoples day to day stuff. There is a really good quote that says something along the lines of if you can’t or don’t talk to people about the little things then you won’t ever get a full picture or want or reach out to them to talk about the bigger things going on.
The other one is to join an online group with challenges or goals, like do a drawing a day or week or learn a language, share travel goals ect. Then you are naturally sharing a common interest and the conversation is easy and you grow and naturally form connections.
In terms of love life I have no advice other than I think Easter Bunny, Father Christmas, romantic love is all the same, it’s a lovely social construct that makes for great songs, films and fairytales but in reality behind it is all an over sold sugar coated mirage. Just finding someone you like and likes you is a challenge in itself. When we are young we all have the same/similar likes, interests and experiences but as we get older we get more and more niche and set in what we do and don’t like and what we want. It makes it harder to have that instant connection/like of someone or find someone on your wave length. Also you won’t/don’t get all you need or want from one person it just isn’t feasible so doing what your doing is the best way to go about it. Just be open to meeting people (romantically and socially) but also spread your eggs over several baskets and nurture all your relationships (from bare acquaintances to close family and friends) where and when you can. But ultimately being honest about how you feel like this is great as it starts the conversation for you like now 😊 Sending love x
Dear John, I don’t know you from Adam. I just did a Google search about sailing Britain’s coastline and your blog looked interesting, now this. Well frankly before my failed 29 years marriage, I did a big coastal sail solo on the Australian easy coast. Loved the challenge, but did not enjoy the loneliness especially at watching a beautiful scene without someone to share it with. So I married the first candidate and now 30 plus years later I’m desperately including myself from stuff so I can sail as far away as possible. Previously I had one night stands aboard, but they left me depleted, as did 29 years marriage. There’s no cure but to keep your chin up and realise that being alone on board of much better than in some sh17hole with a dead end job. “Straighten up and fly right” old mate. Take care, Terry.